WEEKLY WAITE-O-GRAM (RELEASE 3.0)

THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS OF CEOs
 
So you're a new CEO. Or you want to be a CEO when you grow up. Or maybe you just want to know what life is like at the top of the corporate food chain. The truth is, life on the other side of the high-tech security barrier is actually not that different from anywhere else. Once you put aside the unending deference... the perks...and the eye-popping compensation. Not willing to put those aside? In the immortal words of Tiger Woods...you will probably be a less than successful Buddhist. But I digress: The important point is that there are actually a lot of ways to be successful-- or fail-- as a CEO. Over the next several months, based on 30 years of observation of executive behaviour...a review of the literature...and interviews with disgruntled employees and spouses... I have developed what I call "The Seven Deadly Sins...of CEOs." 

JUST TO BE CLEAR...
 
OK, full disclosure. None of these "sins" is actually deadly. As in dying deadly. But they can be fatal. And let's face it...once you are CEO...not being CEO feels a lot like death. Without the flowers and kind words.
 
SIN NUMBER ONE: CEO HUBRIS
 
Sorry about the Latin, but here's the deal: The moment you are named CEO, everything changes. Your jokes are funnier. The arching of your eyebrow...means something. Your favorite sport...or charity...or TV program...becomes every one's favorite. You like "House"? Or "Battlestar Gallatica"? If you work for a large corporation, you can actually personally nudge ratings up nationally... by simply mentioning this. Why does this happen? Because 75% of the employees of any given company actually don't really care about who the CEO is... but they do care about keeping their jobs. This number rises to closer to 90% among the cadre of support staff at the top... who typically bend to the whims of the company's leaders...like a bonsai tree bends to its wire constraints.
 
WHAT'S A CEO TO DO?
 
So let's say you get this -- that maybe you're not the funniest guy or gal since Dave Letterman or Mary Walsh...and that not everyone actually shares your passion for the Nauga Protection Society...as your pet charity (despite the fact that those poor nauga's are giving up their hides at an alarming rate.)  What can you do about this? How to you stay in touch with reality? There are two separate, but supportive, approaches.
 
THEY KNEW YOU WHEN
 
First, stay in touch with old friends and family. Yes, I know... they do not understand the pressures you are under or the obligations entailed in your new position. This is actually a good thing. Yes, they can recall when you were a goof. This is also good -- it reminds you that we were all goofs at one point (and that most of those who weren't back in high school...flamed out long ago.)  Siblings can be especially useful. If at all possible, stay married to your spouse. Nothing can take a CEO away from reality faster or further than a trophy husband or wife.  
 
NEVER FLY SOLO
 
So keep grounded from the outside. But it is also important to keep your feet on the ground within the company as well. If you are a new-to-the-firm CEO, be sure to bring one or two people in with you whom you implicitly trust to tell you exactly what they think. About you, and others. Hopefully they will do this behind closed doors, and not in front of your entire executive team-- but the point is, you need a trusted advisor or two as a reality check. Lou Gerstner, when he took the reins at IBM in the early 1990's, arrived with a communications guy, David Kallis; a marketing gal, Abby Kohnstamm, and a CFO, Gerry York. They had his back...but they also had his ear. Gerstner balanced incumbent IBMers with these outsiders and together they found the formula for renewing an American icon.
 
IF YOU MAKE IT HERE...
 
In a future Gram I will talk at length about CEO speeches. It has been written that CEOs, when surveyed, say they would rather face a firing squad than give a speech. While I am not sure why they view these as their only alternatives, my experience is that many CEOs are not all that crazy about getting up in front of an audience. On the other hand, some love it. My first corporate job, after working as Bob Dole's press secretary, was as speechwriter to the Chairman and CEO of IBM World Trade in New York, a fellow named Ralph A. Pfeiffer, Jr. I didn't know it at the time... but Ralph went through speech writers faster than figure skaters go through tissues while waiting for their scores. The big problem, I found out, was that Ralph thought he was funny. And if he was... that it was due to his talents. If he wasn't...it was due to his speech writer.
 
HE WAS EVEN FUNNIER IN ALBANIAN   
 
As it happened, my first Ralph speech of any consequence was intended for an audience of Japanese IBMers... attending a recognition event in Hawaii. Japanese audiences had been the Sable Island of Ralph's speech writers... each of my predecesors had crashed onto the rocks, never to be seen (or heard from) again. This was not a big surprise -- unlike North Americans, the Japanese have no cultural tradition of a joke at the start of a speech...and the thought of laughing in the presence of a CEO was unthinkable. Fortunately, a fellow communications type, John Milhalik, decided I was an OK guy...and should be allowed to survive more than 30 days. Together with the head of IBM Japan Communications, Shigeo-san, we devised a plan. I would write a joke into the front end of the speech... and mark down carefully on Shigeo's copy of the text where the punchline was. He then rehearsed laughing with the 200 or so attendees... by turning around in his front row seat.. and gestering with his hands...and a big smile. Sure enough...Ralph gave the speech...the Japanese roared and rolled on the floor...and I was declared speech writer for life. Or at least for another 30 days.
 
REAGAN: FUNNY. ALEXANDER HAIG? NOT SO MUCH
 
My only point here is be careful with humour and never, ever force it. Know your audience...and hope they know enough about you to judge the intent of your humour. Even Bob Dole, widely considered one of the funniest men in US politics, sometimes crossed the line. For example, he would invariably say when introducing Senator Howard Baker of Tennessee (who was 5' 4"... and not very happy about it), "Stand up, Howard, so people can see you," and then follow on with, "Sorry, Howard, I now realise that you already ARE standing." It always got a laugh... but did not endear (something my counterpart, Baker press secretary Tom Griscom, an old university chum, never failed to remind me.)  So don't feel obligated to be funny... and if you have to be...aim the barbs at yourself, not others.

 
A HOUSE DIVIDED
 
The e-mails were flying over the weekend from Waite abodes on both sides of the border as we watched the USA-Canada Olympic hockey game. And yes, there was a bit of wagering -- those supporting the losing side had agree to plan, prepare and clean up a full-scale dinner for the victors at Camp Wiyaka in New Hampshire during the annual family get-together next summer. I'm thinking Chinese take-out might be a good option. Or a double-or-nothing rematch in the medal round...

 
(This blog may be cascaded to others should you wish, as it is a blatant marketing ploy to get the name of Waite + Co. in front of many people as possible with the least cost. The views expressed are entirely those of the author, who accepts full responsibility for any errors, omissions or exagerations. The name of the IBM Japan Director of Communications has been altered to protect him from the ghost of Ralph A. Pfeiffer...and the current Chair and CEO of Waite + Co., Karen Shigeishi-Waite.)          
--
Robert E. Waite
Managing Partner
Waite + Co.
25 Grange Avenue
Toronto, ON M5T 1C6
1-613-797-6141
1-416-703-3992 x310
www.waiteandcompany.com 
   

Comments

[Bill Dunne]

Love your Pfeiffer story, Bob. If I may add to it, I was out in L.A. writing two back-to-back speeches for John M. Thompson (I suspect you remember him), and at this point I had been up for 40 hours straight. It's 3 a.m. and John comes to the back of the hotel-ballroom staging area where I'm working on the 18th rewrite. John says, "I need some jokes." Long story short, that was the end of my JMT stint. For my take on jokes in speeches, go here: http://dunnebster.squarespace.com/talk-to-us/2009/6/3/when-youre-not-a-comedian.html