WEEKLY WAITE-O-GRAM (Rel. 50.0)

CAN MANAGERS BE FRIENDS?

The short answer in my experience is that managers can be friendly and empathetic, but should not try to be their employee's best buddies. Why? Because, at the end of the day, you may have to carry out actions that are not very best buddy-like, including termination. The hard truth is that your job isn't to be loved, it is to run your department, unit, division or company in the most professional, productive way possible.

MICHAEL SCOTT, POSTER BOY

Much as "All in the Family" and Archie Bunker taught a wide audience about the perils of bigotry and social prejudice in the 1970's, the series "The Office" and Michael Scott (Steve Carell) can serve as a modern day primer on what not to do as a manager or executive. Michael, who hails from the sales side of the mythical Dunder-Mifflin paper business, wants everyone to love him, each other, and to be part of one big office "family". To promote this, he engineers an endless series of in- and out-of-office events to build "teamwork". All have two defining characteristics: 1) They are really all about him and; 2) They all end extraordinarily badly. 

MARLON BRANDO, YOU’RE NOT

The obvious question is where does one draw the line between being friendly and supportive as a boss... and a friend. It is a not always an easy call. I would argue that you should avoid things like vacationing with employees; accepting an offer to become a Godparent (don't laugh -- it happens!); I would even suggest shying away from at-home dinner invitations - once you accept an invitation from one employee (or invite one employee to your home), how do you ever justify not doing the same with others? Their lasagna’s not up to snuff? Having your entire department over to your home (say, for a holiday get-together, or summer cook-out) is a little different. But you as the boss should be aware that for many employees, spending time with the boss is not as scintillating a prospect as you might think.       

BUT SLIGHTLY AHEAD OF SCOOPING KITTY LITTER

Tom Rath, author of "Vital Friends", cites a Princeton University study of employees which found that interaction with the boss was rated, on average, "as being less enjoyable than cleaning the house". Rath's take on this is bosses should make a greater effort to befriend employees and argues that it will lead to greater productivity and cohesiveness. My experience is that you have creep right up to the fine line I described above...but try not to cross it. Like almost everything else involving management, it takes judgment and experience to get it right.

JOB-HOPPING -- GOOD OR BAD?

I recently wrote a guest column for Balanced WorkLife, a Scottsdale-based firm owned by my good (but not TOO good) friends, Jim and Lori Dryburgh. The topic is the pros and cons of job-hopping  for management types. While I was tempted to plagiarize myself and present the column as a Waite-O-Gram, I decided that would somehow be cheating. But you still might be interested in the piece -- it can be found at http://balancedworklife.com/blog/careermanagement/job-hopping-good-or-bad/  And if you can guess the name of the kangaroo, you can stay at the Dryburgh's for the entire month of February in 2012!

MY STRANGEST ASSIGNMENT

I said in the last Gram that I would relate the toughest assignment of my career. After I wrote that, I realised that the toughest assignment of my career was actually writing fortunes... to stick into fortune cookies...to be served at a dinner party held by Elizabeth and Bob Dole...at their Watergate apartment in 1980. The fortunes were supposed to be customized to to the guest...and funny. For example, Senator and Mrs. Howard Baker were to be among the guests. He's five-foot four. And his spouse, since departed, was usually three sheets to the wind by the time the second course arrived. Senator John Tower of Texas and his latest paramour were also to be there, along with Al Haig and others. The potential for humour was enormous. Too enormous. So, once again, it was a question of knowing where to draw the line. Which maybe I didn't...as I was never asked to write a Chinese fortune cookie fortune...again.

SECOND STRANGEST ASSIGNMENT

Two years later, now working for IBM World Trade, I got called into the office of the CEO. With him was the head of legal. In a briefing right out of "Mission Impossible" (but minus the self-destructing tape recorder), I was told I was to board a flight from New York to Jakarta, Indonesia (via Tokyo). Officially I was to inspect the archaeological restoration of a temple, Borobudur, which IBM had been supporting. Unofficially, I was supposed to determine if anything "funny" was going on with IBM's operations in the third-world country, which at the time was ruled by a strongman named Suharto. To IBM's credit, the company had zero tolerance for "funny business", be it in Indiana or Indonesia. No payments; no bribes; no compromising business relationships. It was unequivocal. The reigning IBM country General Manager in Indonesia, Fred (not his real name), had actually held my job as Director of External Programs before heading out to Jakarta. So he, better than anyone, knew the rules of the road.

TOMMY CAN YOU HEAR ME?

The crux of the matter was that rumours had filtered up to head office that IBM might be winning some Indonesian government and other bids...due to some sort of unusually close relationship with Suharto's son, "Tommy." The son was generally known as a bad actor, using his family name to build a personal fortune (like all good dictator sons everywhere.) I was supposed to try to get to the bottom of things...without raising suspicion...or getting myself killed. (In retrospect, I think I was picked for the assignment because I was a former reporter, and knew how to poke around; I knew "Fred" well enough to gain some confidence (but not well enough to put his interests ahead of IBM's); and, finally, I  was single... so if things went really, really bad, there would be no need for dealing with a grieving spouse!)

BALI LOW       

I got to Jakarta, poked around a bit...trundled off to Borobudur...and then returned to IBM's office in Jakarta. In the couple of days I'd picked up some warning signs in conversations...including many mentions of Tommy...but everyone was being very elliptical. There were hints and allegations (and maybe even lasers in the jungle somewhere), but nothing concrete. It was now Thursday and I was scheduled to fly out on Saturday -- with my mission very much unaccomplished. In what was routine procedure at the time, I had been asked to give my passport and plane ticket to Fred's secretary...for reconfirmation. So imagine my surprise when Fred later that day emerged from his office...holding my ticket and passport... saying "Bob, I can't let you come all this way...without visiting Bali. So I've changed your flights...and you can use my private villa, right on the beach. You'll have the whole weekend. I won't take no for an answer"  And sure enough, he had changed my flights. I was torn between smiling and saying thank you (so as to not arouse suspicion) and jumping through the plate glass window and running to the US Embassy. I said thank you.

ONE WAY TICKET?

When I got to Bali and to his villa...I did not have to be Columbo to figure things out. What I couldn't observe (and there was a lot to observe, from compromising pictures of Fred and Tommy, to the largest collection of S & M equipment east of Greenwich Village and a trove of heavy-duty firearms, to some pretty nifty Harley Davidsons) I could learn from the butler/valet, who made Watergate's Deep Throat look discrete. IBM had a philosophy of making the customer king...but clearly some lines were being blurred here. It was not hard to connect the dots between IBM's rising market share...Tommy's role in the bid process...and a relationship that screamed conflict of interest.  So I settled into the villa...and waited to be killed. Surely that had to be the plan...

NOT DEAD YET

Obviously I wasn't killed. When the weekend ended, I hopped a series of flights that returned me to New York. I made my report to the CEO and the head of legal. All verbal. More evidence emerged that Tommy had been helping guide the bids in IBM's favor (perhaps by signaling pricing).Within a couple of weeks the GM "retired" (with a very rich payout, I was reassured). He relocated to Australia and bought a farm. Several years later he was tragically killed on his property by a Ford tractor that rolled over him. I have often wondered to this day if it was truly an accident...

CONFLICT IS CONFLICT   

In retrospect, it seems clear to me that Fred must have wanted to be found out. There was no other explanation for his sending me to Bali. (And I should point out his undoing wasn't due his sexual preference -- it would have been the same had it been a daughter of Suharto, had she been integral to the procurement process. IBM, while pretty buttoned-down, was somewhat ahead of its time in tolerating what Tom Watson called "Wild Ducks".) 

NOR DO I GIVE UP MY PASSPORT...

One lesson I learned from all of this...is never take a meeting with the CEO...and the Chief Legal Officer. It can only lead to trouble. I also learned that you can be friends with people at work...as long as you realise that at the end of the day, you ultimately have to be absolutely objective in terms of what's best for the company.

AND FINALLY...

I am betting "The Social Network" will win the Oscar...while everyone else seems to be betting on "The King's Speech" and "True Grit". My reasoning is that social media, as much as anything, has turned the world upside down in recent years and the movie provided fascinating insight into the gestation of the phenomenon. For those favoring the other movies, I should add I am almost always wrong in my picks!     

(The views expressed in this communication are solely those of the author, who assumes all responsibility for any errors, omissions or misstatements. Should you receive word of my demise, by Ford tractor or any other farm implement, please refer my case to the Indonesian police, whom I am sure will give it their complete, undivided attention. Tommy, by the way, was convicted of murder -- he killed a judge who had convicted him of corruption-- and was sentenced to 16 years in jail. He is now free. His father died in 2008.)  

Comments

[Stan]

Bob, Fascinating story about Indonesia. BTW, I agree with your philosophy of friending employees. It is a fine line that should not be crossed. However, I had one peer leader who was best buddies with everyone ... remaining a best bud with people who needed to be released. Special talent that and not one everyone (including me) would ever try to pull off.