WEEKLY WAITE-O-GRAM (REL. 56.0)

FIVE THINGS AMERICANS JUST DON'T GET ABOUT CANADA

 Last week I delivered up a list of things Canadians say they just don't get about Americans - and if you missed it, just click here: http://www.waiteandcompany.com/theblog/month/december-2012  In the belief that turnabout is fair play (and that revenge is a dish best served up cold, with a sprig of jack pine), here are five things Americans just don't get about Canada:

 1. The Whole Kraft Dinner Thing - Americans are mystified by the Canadian obsession with KD. According to Sasha Chapman, writing in "The Walrus", Canadians consume 3.2 boxes of the powdered cheese and noodle concoction each year - 55 percent more than Americans do. It's bigger than poutine...bigger than beaver tails...and bigger than salmon, arctic char or northern pike. Americans figure the Great Depression must have never ended in Canada. What they don't know is that Canadians actually eat KD to prolong their childhood (if not their life expectancy.) And they won't give it up, even if they have a million dollars...

 2.  Parliamentary Democracy - Americans, used to badgering their local Congressman or Senator on every imaginable issue, are shocked when they learn that there is something called "party discipline" in Canada and that members of parliament, with very rare exception, vote exactly as they are told to by party leaders. Buckets of snail mail or e-mail from constituents back home count for little - the system reflects the results of an election, not the on-going and sometimes changing whims of voters in a district. (Warning: Americans will fall over in a dead faint if you relay the additional news that a Canadian political campaign typically lasts only 30 to 40 days...and costs, compared to US elections, about as much as a box of Kraft dinner.)

 3. Love of Taxes - OK, maybe not love of taxes, but Americans, even Democrats, can't quite fathom Canada's high tax pain thresh hold. It's not just the higher income tax rates, but then there's the VAT, or GST or HST or whatever the heck it is we're now calling the sales tax. Add to this the lack of mortgage interest deductions and, in the eyes of most south of the border, you're pretty much looking at Sweden...with fewer blondes...and duller knives.

 4. Weird Holidays - Americans sort of get Victoria Day and Remembrance Day... and they can live with Thanksgiving in October. But "Civic Holiday"? Or "Family Day"? Real holidays should be about battles...or dead Presidents! And the one they really don't get is "Boxing Day". Among other things, it just sounds so old-fashioned. "Cage-Fighting Day" anyone?

  5. Canadian Politeness - It's not just that Canadians frequently ask to be excused, pardoned or forgiven, even when it is the other person who has transgressed. It is also the lack of boasting, bragging or conversational volume and the general good-naturedness. It can get on your nerves, especially after living in New York or Texas. Even Canadian dogs, the Labrador and the Newfoundland, seem to follow this pattern of tolerant affability, making them perfect pets for children... Tea Party members... and others who have not fully matured. But the truth is that it IS possible to annoy a Canadian to the point of provoking an outburst. You simply utter the phrase "asymmetrical federalism"... or substitute his or her Labatts or Molson... with a Bud Lite.

  OUTSOURCING HISTORY

 My spousal unit and I spent this past weekend in Washington, D.C., visiting our son and some family friends. For those who haven't visited DC recently, there are some new monuments on or near the Mall worth a visit. One is the Martin Luther King Memorial, located on the Tidal Pool between the Lincoln and Jefferson Memorials (and not far from where he gave his "I have a dream" speech). The architecture is nothing if not arresting -- Dr. King emerges sculpted from a huge whiteish-pink block of stone... which has been chiseled into three segments. The rendering is powerful and imposing... and not to every one's artistic taste. A friend forewarned me that it was a bit too "Mao-like". I could see what she meant... but the comment was really driven home when the Park Ranger, in a subsequent talk... told us that the stone itself was imported from China...and the sculptor was Chinese! 

  A DISTRESSING SITUATION

 Just a few days before we got to DC the US Senate voted on a UN Treaty designed to benefit the disabled in countries around the world... patterned on the Americans With Disabilities Act. I was proud to see my old boss, Bob Dole, the co-author of that 1990 bill, return to the floor of the Senate to argue for treaty passage... despite the fact that he was recently hospitalized. Frail and in a wheelchair, Dole tried to convince members of the Republican party to vote aye on the measure. Some did; many did not. And thus the treaty failed to achieve the needed two-thirds votes to be ratified. A sad and unseemly rebuke to a former party standard bearer and life-long advocate for the rights of the disabled. 

  TOP OF THE CHARTS

 Clients are like children - you are supposed to love them all equally. Which of course I do. But one client I especially enjoy is Canadian Accredited Independent Schools or CAIS. Headed up by the dynamic and articulate Anne-Marie Kee, CAIS represents Canada's top not-for-profit independent schools, almost 100 in total. Recently I've been partnered with a marketing firm called LiQuid to help build brand awareness around a CAIS sub-group, their 28 boarding schools across the country. As with any well-grounded project, you begin with the research. One thing that emerged from that work is just how successful Canadian boarding schools are as compared to their American counterparts. According to Prep Review, which looks at placement (at what they define as the top universities in North America and the UK - the eight Ivy's plus MIT and Stanford; Cambridge and Oxford; U of T and McGill), five CAIS boarding schools would sit comfortably in the US top ten. Placement of course isn't the only reason to pick a school, but it does provide a sense of academic rigor. The Canadian schools are right up there with the Phillips Andovers and Exeters of the world. Something to celebrate.  

 MYTH-BUSTING

 The research that I found even more interesting - in part because I am a product of a boarding environment myself - is how much the boarding experience has changed in the years since. We began with a survey of Canadian attitudes towards boarding (which showed, among other things, that only a tiny minority had considered boarding for their child or children... or even knew the option existed). Then we matched up these perceptions... with the reality of boarding today. The result was a "myth-busting" speech delivered by Anne-Marie at an Economic Club of Canada speech earlier this year in Toronto. More recently, those words were translated into a clever animation which I thought you might enjoy: http://boardingschools.ca/parents/myth-busting/  Interestingly enough, overseas students (and their parents) are busting down the doors to get their children into these Canadian schools. Canadian parents... not so much. But the schools are here, gems seemingly hidden from view... in plain sight.

  AND FINALLY...

 Will the NHL lockout lead to a higher birth rate in Canada in nine months time... a higher divorce rate... or both? Discuss among yourselves.

 (The Weekly Waite-O-Gram has been published almost continuously since 1990. It began as a management communications vehicle at IBM Canada and has been cheerfully ported to places like CAE, CIBC and Canada Post. Today it acts as a blog for Waite + Co. The author takes all responsibility for any errors, omissions or flagrant faux pas. You may cascade or forward this missive should you wish, as it is in fact a somewhat subversive marketing ploy by a company too "thrifty" to employ the normal marketing mix.)